Love and the brain

"When it comes to love, the brain is so deeply patterned to remember, to feel, to hold..." -Helen Fisher, as quoted in It's My Pleasure

This makes sense to me. This is why I want to fall in love again. It's all because my brain knows what being in love feels like. My brain remembers it and holds it. There's a science behind this strong emotion. There's a scientific reason for why I seek it.
         And yet as I plug through this fabulous book, some of the writing resonates with me. How can I fall in love with someone if I don't fully love myself?
          I have been told that I am strong because of what I have been through at such a young age. I am told that I am brave. I am told that I am intelligent. I am told that I am beautiful. I am told that I am fun and funny. I am told that I am loving. And these are just a few things. I even have evidence to prove each of these things. But do I believe these characteristic traits are me? Sometimes.
          I want to believe each of these pieces, always. I will believe these always. It's not so high of an expectation to know that someday soon, I will wake up saying "I am strong, brave, intelligent, beautiful, loving, fun and funny." But to be realistic, I must know that I don't have to feel fabulous every day because I am human; I just have to believe in myself.
           So this will be a goal. I want to look in the mirror and be able to love me, all of me, for exactly who I am and who I am growing and evolving to be. Once that happens, my heart will be open to truly love another.

Guilt, not my pleasure

Recently, my mind and body has been taken over by Guilt. Guilt in every shape and size! It has appeared when I forget to return a call and lingers on parts of my past. Some days Guilt feels like a ghost who will not stop following me around.
          Some of these little things that I am feeling guilty about I should not let over power me, but other things hold a deeper place in my soul. Those things will take time for me to push Guilt from my life. And I know that I cannot fully open myself up to love and relationships if I do not, in some ways, conquer this feeling.
           In my quest to resolve this strong, negative emotion, I have been researching. I looked up the definition of guilt. Then I turned to Amazon.com to see what people were reading to help themselves. (Yes, I am a huge advocate for self-help books!) I made a list of a few books and checked them out of the library.
           The first book I opened, I haven't been able to put down. It's called It's My Pleasure: A Revolutionary Plan to Free Yourself From Guilt and Create the Life You Want by Maria Rodale and Maya Rodale. I have to be honest, I think this book has begun to open my eyes. It's reminding me that it's okay to take time for me and to do something that I love and makes me happy (and not feel guilty).
            I love to write. For some time, I had felt guilt for blogging, but I am teaching myself to let go of that guilty feeling because writing on here is something that makes me happy. This is something that I do for me. "It's my pleasure."

Curiouser and curiouser

As I read and re-read the comment from S, my mind reeled. And all I kept repeating in my head was "curiouser and curiouser," which is a heavily used line by Alice in the film Alice in Wonderland. Although, I do prefer the older animated version to the newer one.
        Sorry my mind just wandered. S has appeared, and now I am extremely curious about who this person could be. S revealed some clues about who she is:

1. She is a she! Or as she put it, I am a girl.
2. She and I went to high school together and is my age.
3. She and I are not Facebook friends.
4. She found my blog on AIM, which I rarely go on anymore.
5. We had classes together in high school.

          This is like a game! (Have I mentioned I'm a child at heart?) I'm intrigued and fascinated by who this person could be. At least S gave me clues, but I'm still left wondering who she might be. Unfortunately, my graduating class had over 600 students, even though I did not have class with all them.
          I am racking my brain for who you might be S, and I look forward to finding out!