Wrong expectations

Sometimes, it's better to go into something with no expectations. Normally, I'll do that. Or even better, I'll have zero expectations, so then I'll have to be happy or impressed. Unfortunately, this time, I went into something with the wrong expectations. I had thought, and almost assumed, that my expectations would be met, if not better.
              I was wrong. Fortunately, I'm in a great mood. Despite this questioning and disappointment, I will accept being wrong for a change. My usual stubbornness will not take over, and I will not pity and mope because I had wrong expectations.

Goodness, greatness

For someone who started out her morning in tears, Fool is now beaming! Today was my first day of work, and I'm so excited and happy. I'm so grateful that I have a job, but I am also so grateful for my love of learning. This new position will bring me great challenges, and I have a lot to learn, but I look forward to what's a head of me. It's this kind of excitement about a career that makes me excited about life and love.
                On a side note, I got a wonderful message from Pitt last night. As you all know, he and I have become extremely good friends to the point where we can confide in each other about anything. In this fabulous message, he said thank you.
                 Because of something that has been going on in his current life, he wrote me a message showing how much he appreciated me for not deleting him from his life and taking that very difficult step to be just friends. Even though in the beginning of this, I felt tormented and frustrated, I now can say that I am genuinely proud of myself for not being selfish and cutting him off.
                 Friends turn into interests, and interests can turn into friends. There are not many people I would make a decision like this with, but when it comes to Pitt, I'm glad Pitt and Yankee (that's me!) have gotten so close!

Empty and alone

I woke up this morning with the realization that today would be the last day I could sleep in late until the weekend. I went back to sleep in hopes that this anxiety, fear and loneliness would subside. It didn't.
          In reality, I am no where near alone. I have both my parents and loving sister living with me. I have some great friends and a guy that I am interested in. So what is it that I'm missing? What do I not want to admit?
          I do not like change, nor do I handle it well sometimes. I'm afraid to speak because I might snap. I feel as tightly strung as one of the toy cars that I had when I was little. One of the ones where you pull it backwards and when you release it, it goes flying across the floor.
          Tomorrow is my first day officially in the real world. I have a fabulous job that I'm beyond excited for, but to be honest, I'm really nervous and scared. Tomorrow, I will be an employed college graduate. Summer won't be the same type of summer anymore.
          I should be grateful that I graduated college with a job, but these emotions have overcome me today because I'm about to experience a big change. And with my best friends scattered across the country, I find that my weekends here might not be filled with adventures of Shananny nor Bestest.
          For the time being, I must sit with this emptiness and hope that as the day progresses, I will be able to calm my nerves.