Earlier today, I posted saying that I don't search for the kind of love that I have with girl friends in a boy, but I take that back. I do want to have someone in my life that I can be both my best friend and boyfriend. I do want to find that kind of uninhibited love where we can have screaming fights, but then get over them and still be happy.
I know that I have changed my mind before, but that is only because I'm human. And just like I sometimes say one thing and do another, it doesn't mean that I don't care. I'm just testing the waters.
I'm a firm believer that actions speak louder than words, but with that being said, I know I don't always practice what I preach. In this instance though, if I say that I want a guy to be my best friend and more than that, I'll prove that with my actions.
I've also decided to keep a side journal to this blog because as much as I want to be completely open about my love life, there are still some things that should be left unsaid.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
But I do appreciate girl time
Yesterday, I spent the entire day with a boy, specifically Safety Pin. He had bought me tickets to a Yankee game for my birthday, so we made the trek together to watch the Yankees lose, while getting sunburned and laughing a lot. He's a great person to have in my life, and throughout the game I continually said thank you for doing this for me.
After what seemed like the longest day in the world, I headed over to Shananny's house to hang out with just the girls. I haven't laughed that hard or that much in a long time. All of our conversation didn't focus around boys, but around found college memories that would leave me in tears from laughing so hard.
I envy Shananny because she had some of the college experience that I would have hoped for. A solid group of girl friends that stuck together through the easy and hard times. I won't say that I didn't love college, and Safety Pin is one of the reminders that I did build lifelong friendships with both guys and girls, I just still hope to find what Shananny has.
Girl love is much different than falling in love with a guy. True girl love is an example of having a screaming fight and five minutes later being best friends again. Or not speaking for what seems like years then picking up where you left off without a question. That love is the kind a guy can give you, but I don't go searching for it. I may not have a solid group of girl friends that I can laugh with, but I do have several best girl friends, that I will always be able to reach to no matter what.
After what seemed like the longest day in the world, I headed over to Shananny's house to hang out with just the girls. I haven't laughed that hard or that much in a long time. All of our conversation didn't focus around boys, but around found college memories that would leave me in tears from laughing so hard.
I envy Shananny because she had some of the college experience that I would have hoped for. A solid group of girl friends that stuck together through the easy and hard times. I won't say that I didn't love college, and Safety Pin is one of the reminders that I did build lifelong friendships with both guys and girls, I just still hope to find what Shananny has.
Girl love is much different than falling in love with a guy. True girl love is an example of having a screaming fight and five minutes later being best friends again. Or not speaking for what seems like years then picking up where you left off without a question. That love is the kind a guy can give you, but I don't go searching for it. I may not have a solid group of girl friends that I can laugh with, but I do have several best girl friends, that I will always be able to reach to no matter what.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Wasted affection?
Talk not of wasted affections; affection is never wasted.
That is written in blue on a slip of paper that came from inside one of the fortune cookies I ate with THE. This morning, while I lay in bed thinking about how I show my affection, I realized I have made some wonderfully romantic gestures, and I felt gloomy.
Usually, I bake to show my appreciation or care for another. Whether it's for one of my parents, my sister, a friend, or the guy I'm seeing, it would be shocking if I didn't cook or bake at least once for them. Sometimes, like this morning, I find myself in a mood telling myself: you're a fool, why would you do such a thing?
I look back and realize that every time I have done something, my heart ends up looking like someone did jumping jacks on it. But I shouldn't think about that ending because I like showing my affection through gifts, baking and hugs. So today, I will push aside those thoughts and think about my affections that are most definitely not wasted.
That is written in blue on a slip of paper that came from inside one of the fortune cookies I ate with THE. This morning, while I lay in bed thinking about how I show my affection, I realized I have made some wonderfully romantic gestures, and I felt gloomy.
Usually, I bake to show my appreciation or care for another. Whether it's for one of my parents, my sister, a friend, or the guy I'm seeing, it would be shocking if I didn't cook or bake at least once for them. Sometimes, like this morning, I find myself in a mood telling myself: you're a fool, why would you do such a thing?
I look back and realize that every time I have done something, my heart ends up looking like someone did jumping jacks on it. But I shouldn't think about that ending because I like showing my affection through gifts, baking and hugs. So today, I will push aside those thoughts and think about my affections that are most definitely not wasted.
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